Man’s search for meaning

I would share my personal problem with my experience with search for meaning. One’s believes (or the thought process behind it) has extreme polarity.

Take my case, early in my childhood when I saw Amitabh Bachchan (A criminal) in Dewar asking his brother Shashi Kapoor (A Police Inspector) the famous line –“Jao ush admi se sign leke aao…. At that time I thought the whole world was wrong but Bachchan is right

But as I grow up my bad habit of observing people’s behavior intensified I observed that it is a recognized technique of any person who has been caught on the wrong foot to come up with hundreds of excuses. (My friend in psychiatry calls it Psychological projection)

Gradually I become a strong denouncer of this and started a strong self analysis of myself everyday). It is tough and problematic as I continued to search for meaning in everything. But all I found was -nothingness. I had to accept the philosophy under it and continued even if there is nothingness in everything. So these search for meaning become impractical.

As life continues, I embraced it, as it is unavoidable. But due to strong self analysis- self pity, self blaming lead to a miserable state of mind.

Ones identity is his thought process – gradually I had none as I got emerged in daily mechanical life and lost the time and appetite to analyze anything to my liking. I was immerged in the vortex of a vicious cycle. And saw me degrading (spiritually) as well as mentally.

Seeing it as a danger sign  I started the process of reconciliation (with me)and started doing what I like most –reading and thinking (writing comes next) may be after a year or so .

It’s a small book named: Man’s search for meaning (Viktor E. Frank)

While considering my life as miserable, I was amazed how this man found spirituality even in the most unfavorable condition inside the dreaded concentration camp. Coming from an affluent Jew family, a physician of merit, fate led him to the concentration camp. With humiliation to the core, hunger, death (of friend, family) and what not he continued his spirituality, survived all the possible danger and noted the point that there is purpose to every life (even in most unfavorable condition). This meaning may be some creative work, someone you love or something you wish.  And if you pursue it (and if you are lucky enough, unlike many of his friend and family) you may become a higher human being (there is no guaranty but that is the only option we have). And it is a continuous process (like He doesn’t have the right to behave inhuman way only because he has suffered a lot during the holocaust)

After reading I refreshed myself.

Self defense by psychological projection is bad and so is over self analysis.

Finding the balance (and Budha’s middle path is the ideal way but it is a tough state of continuous journey)

Yes the life is miserable –still there are many meaning to nothingness in life.