I
would share my personal problem with my experience with search for meaning. One’s
believes (or the thought process behind it) has extreme polarity.
Take
my case, early in my childhood when I saw Amitabh
Bachchan (A
criminal) in Dewar asking his brother Shashi Kapoor (A Police Inspector) the
famous line –“Jao ush admi se sign leke
aao…. At that time I thought the whole world was wrong but Bachchan is right
But
as I grow up my bad habit of
observing people’s behavior intensified I observed that it is a recognized technique
of any person who has been caught on the wrong foot to come up with hundreds of
excuses. (My friend in psychiatry calls it Psychological projection)
Gradually
I become a strong denouncer of this and started a strong self analysis of myself
everyday). It is tough and problematic as I continued to search for meaning in everything.
But all I found was -nothingness. I had to accept the philosophy under it and
continued even if there is nothingness in everything. So these search for
meaning become impractical.
As
life continues, I embraced it, as it is unavoidable. But due to strong self analysis-
self pity, self blaming lead to a miserable state of mind.
Ones
identity is his thought process – gradually I had none as I got emerged in daily
mechanical life and lost the time and appetite to analyze anything to my liking.
I was immerged in the vortex of a vicious cycle. And saw me degrading (spiritually)
as well as mentally.
Seeing
it as a danger sign I started the
process of reconciliation (with me)and started doing what I like most –reading and
thinking (writing comes next) may be after a year or so .
It’s
a small book named: Man’s search for meaning (Viktor E. Frank)
While
considering my life as miserable, I was amazed how this man found spirituality
even in the most unfavorable condition inside the dreaded concentration camp. Coming
from an affluent Jew family, a physician of merit, fate led him to the
concentration camp. With humiliation to the core, hunger, death (of friend, family)
and what not he continued his spirituality, survived all the possible danger
and noted the point that there is purpose to every life (even in most unfavorable
condition). This meaning may be some creative work, someone you love or something
you wish. And if you pursue it (and if
you are lucky enough, unlike many of his friend and family) you may become a
higher human being (there is no guaranty but that is the only option we have). And
it is a continuous process (like He doesn’t have the right to behave inhuman
way only because he has suffered a lot during the holocaust)
After
reading I refreshed myself.
Self
defense by psychological projection is bad and so is over self analysis.
Finding
the balance (and Budha’s middle path is the ideal way but it is a tough state
of continuous journey)
Yes
the life is miserable –still there are many meaning to nothingness in life.
