Girish Karard

Photo courtesy :Wikipedia

Few people ignite your mind and become constant source of inspiration. He was one of them. But his inspiration was silent one. My upbringing was a regional one and it the time of turbulence. Assam was burning in 80s and 90s.

Till than I knew him as an actor. Then the passion for cinema started. One Sunday evening dordarshan was supposed to play Kalyug the movie by Shyam Benegal. Till then I knew his value so sat down to watch it eagerly from the very first.  After about 15 minutes I realized that it was a screen play adapted from Mahabharata. It was a perfect adaptation in modern time to me.

I wanted to know the script writer. It was Girish Karnard.  The movie, the script inspired me and I understood the value of Girish Karnard. I never had the opportunity to see Utsav, the movie he directed. (How can I? it was regarded as adult movie. Thanks to the spicy Media my impression was also not that high about Utsav until I discovered Girish Karnard the original writer and thinker)

Then while lurking inside the district library bookshelves I discovered a collection of his play. I had a long association with Assamese Armature Theater throughout my parallel carrier as a medical student. (1994 to 2006 it’s a lot of grilling we all medicos has to face) . His plays thrilled me because of various reasons. Originality and appeal is acknowledged by all. The political subtext I was not aware of (or cared for till few years back) My appeal to his stature was because of my regional sentiments. I always thought and believed that regional language has all the appeal and talent to get international attention. But the gap between the killer language in which I am writing and my regional language is too vast. In those days may Salman Rushdie had uttered something derogatory about the regional language of India. It pinched me like anything. And I wanted to answer him back (though I know I was and still am a nobody) At that moment Girish Karnard was a real answer to Rushdie’s allegations that vernacular language don't have any potential and contribution after independence . This man with Marathi as his mother tongue, prolific in English , PhD in  Mathematics from UK was writing in Kanada and has a world wide appeal. After that I have followed his activities.

 His strong public intellectual activism and persuasion of historical and mythological myth in creative writing are unmatched. Could not meet him personally, could not watch more of his plays on stage are few of my disappointments.

Joyce's Ulysses, Many Dickens and Shakespeare.. Rs.200 /kg

The town I live now a day’s; don’t have a book shop dedicated to literature. And life is taking such a shape that I hardly get any time to read and ponder about the matter. Still the company of book, the process of flipping over the pages and discovering something new exits me. I wish I could read more...and after trying again and again buying at random I manage to continue the habit of reading.

Only yesterday after five hours of exhausting scientific meeting and three hours of journey to Jaipur (the city of JLF) we got hungry and wanted have a quick bite.  We saw a mall nearby and all of us ventured in towards its food court. While coming back and waiting for the car to arrive I saw a tent full of books in front of the mall

BOOKS SALE#

#sale Rs.200 /kg !

A quick scrolling showed James Joyce's Ulysses, Many Dickens and Shakespeare and even many modern day bestsellers also. Book regardless of its merit, value, genre @200/kg?

This degradation of value of books is someone new to the history of mankind. You can argue by giving the stats of ebook, audio book in the market. May be some are reading them... but are they also processing the information ?

 Blame it on cell phone and various apps. May be it is true. Till laptop we could sneak out time to read, to process the information gathered in the gray matter and compartmentalize them systemically. Gone are the days. Now we have become mere data generator to the data hungry corporate and some unknown Big Brother. Pawn in the battle about which we are not aware of .

I saw Gulzar,'s suspected poem. Always a Gulzar fan. SO looked at the Price 299..

How much? I asked  

 : Rs 150.  The vendor replied.

 Thanks Gulzar sahab... your popularity still have some market sense.

Man’s search for meaning

I would share my personal problem with my experience with search for meaning. One’s believes (or the thought process behind it) has extreme polarity.

Take my case, early in my childhood when I saw Amitabh Bachchan (A criminal) in Dewar asking his brother Shashi Kapoor (A Police Inspector) the famous line –“Jao ush admi se sign leke aao…. At that time I thought the whole world was wrong but Bachchan is right

But as I grow up my bad habit of observing people’s behavior intensified I observed that it is a recognized technique of any person who has been caught on the wrong foot to come up with hundreds of excuses. (My friend in psychiatry calls it Psychological projection)

Gradually I become a strong denouncer of this and started a strong self analysis of myself everyday). It is tough and problematic as I continued to search for meaning in everything. But all I found was -nothingness. I had to accept the philosophy under it and continued even if there is nothingness in everything. So these search for meaning become impractical.

As life continues, I embraced it, as it is unavoidable. But due to strong self analysis- self pity, self blaming lead to a miserable state of mind.

Ones identity is his thought process – gradually I had none as I got emerged in daily mechanical life and lost the time and appetite to analyze anything to my liking. I was immerged in the vortex of a vicious cycle. And saw me degrading (spiritually) as well as mentally.

Seeing it as a danger sign  I started the process of reconciliation (with me)and started doing what I like most –reading and thinking (writing comes next) may be after a year or so .

It’s a small book named: Man’s search for meaning (Viktor E. Frank)

While considering my life as miserable, I was amazed how this man found spirituality even in the most unfavorable condition inside the dreaded concentration camp. Coming from an affluent Jew family, a physician of merit, fate led him to the concentration camp. With humiliation to the core, hunger, death (of friend, family) and what not he continued his spirituality, survived all the possible danger and noted the point that there is purpose to every life (even in most unfavorable condition). This meaning may be some creative work, someone you love or something you wish.  And if you pursue it (and if you are lucky enough, unlike many of his friend and family) you may become a higher human being (there is no guaranty but that is the only option we have). And it is a continuous process (like He doesn’t have the right to behave inhuman way only because he has suffered a lot during the holocaust)

After reading I refreshed myself.

Self defense by psychological projection is bad and so is over self analysis.

Finding the balance (and Budha’s middle path is the ideal way but it is a tough state of continuous journey)

Yes the life is miserable –still there are many meaning to nothingness in life.