Joyce's Ulysses, Many Dickens and Shakespeare.. Rs.200 /kg

The town I live now a day’s; don’t have a book shop dedicated to literature. And life is taking such a shape that I hardly get any time to read and ponder about the matter. Still the company of book, the process of flipping over the pages and discovering something new exits me. I wish I could read more...and after trying again and again buying at random I manage to continue the habit of reading.

Only yesterday after five hours of exhausting scientific meeting and three hours of journey to Jaipur (the city of JLF) we got hungry and wanted have a quick bite.  We saw a mall nearby and all of us ventured in towards its food court. While coming back and waiting for the car to arrive I saw a tent full of books in front of the mall

BOOKS SALE#

#sale Rs.200 /kg !

A quick scrolling showed James Joyce's Ulysses, Many Dickens and Shakespeare and even many modern day bestsellers also. Book regardless of its merit, value, genre @200/kg?

This degradation of value of books is someone new to the history of mankind. You can argue by giving the stats of ebook, audio book in the market. May be some are reading them... but are they also processing the information ?

 Blame it on cell phone and various apps. May be it is true. Till laptop we could sneak out time to read, to process the information gathered in the gray matter and compartmentalize them systemically. Gone are the days. Now we have become mere data generator to the data hungry corporate and some unknown Big Brother. Pawn in the battle about which we are not aware of .

I saw Gulzar,'s suspected poem. Always a Gulzar fan. SO looked at the Price 299..

How much? I asked  

 : Rs 150.  The vendor replied.

 Thanks Gulzar sahab... your popularity still have some market sense.

Man’s search for meaning

I would share my personal problem with my experience with search for meaning. One’s believes (or the thought process behind it) has extreme polarity.

Take my case, early in my childhood when I saw Amitabh Bachchan (A criminal) in Dewar asking his brother Shashi Kapoor (A Police Inspector) the famous line –“Jao ush admi se sign leke aao…. At that time I thought the whole world was wrong but Bachchan is right

But as I grow up my bad habit of observing people’s behavior intensified I observed that it is a recognized technique of any person who has been caught on the wrong foot to come up with hundreds of excuses. (My friend in psychiatry calls it Psychological projection)

Gradually I become a strong denouncer of this and started a strong self analysis of myself everyday). It is tough and problematic as I continued to search for meaning in everything. But all I found was -nothingness. I had to accept the philosophy under it and continued even if there is nothingness in everything. So these search for meaning become impractical.

As life continues, I embraced it, as it is unavoidable. But due to strong self analysis- self pity, self blaming lead to a miserable state of mind.

Ones identity is his thought process – gradually I had none as I got emerged in daily mechanical life and lost the time and appetite to analyze anything to my liking. I was immerged in the vortex of a vicious cycle. And saw me degrading (spiritually) as well as mentally.

Seeing it as a danger sign  I started the process of reconciliation (with me)and started doing what I like most –reading and thinking (writing comes next) may be after a year or so .

It’s a small book named: Man’s search for meaning (Viktor E. Frank)

While considering my life as miserable, I was amazed how this man found spirituality even in the most unfavorable condition inside the dreaded concentration camp. Coming from an affluent Jew family, a physician of merit, fate led him to the concentration camp. With humiliation to the core, hunger, death (of friend, family) and what not he continued his spirituality, survived all the possible danger and noted the point that there is purpose to every life (even in most unfavorable condition). This meaning may be some creative work, someone you love or something you wish.  And if you pursue it (and if you are lucky enough, unlike many of his friend and family) you may become a higher human being (there is no guaranty but that is the only option we have). And it is a continuous process (like He doesn’t have the right to behave inhuman way only because he has suffered a lot during the holocaust)

After reading I refreshed myself.

Self defense by psychological projection is bad and so is over self analysis.

Finding the balance (and Budha’s middle path is the ideal way but it is a tough state of continuous journey)

Yes the life is miserable –still there are many meaning to nothingness in life.

Memoirs of Meerut

: “If you live away from the place of your identity then you live a life of refugee.”

 My friend said once. He is correct in many aspects. It’s has been more than twelve years since I left Assam. Most of the time there is paucity of time to spend enough time in home during my home visit.  I have missed most of the Bihu, Uruka bhoj, marriage and other moment of crisis where my presence in Guwahati is required.  In many places my family is the only family who can speak in Assamese in the city. Even if you live amongst friend and family it’s a kind of emptiness within.

“Once you start to live in a place, you start developing roots “the other day my friend said in a contradictory statement

That’s also true...

I lived in Dehradun from 2007to 2012. The city had nostalgia of my youth hood. The atmosphere at that time resembled much that of Guwahati in 90s. The landscape, simplicity of locals suited my temperament.  Besides developing professional skills and propagating in my profession out here I was acquainted with the rules of the jungle with end number of visit to Rajaji National Park and sometime Corbett national Park.  Developed lots and lot of friends and well-wisher and almost in a time where the feeling was as such that I belong here I shifted to Meerut.  (And in the meanwhile my much elongated journey as a bachelor also finished in Dehradun only.)

2012 to 2018 I was in Meerut.

I was little bit apprehensive in the beginning, but gradually roots developed here too.  Abu lane, Begam pull, shoprix mall gradually got incorporated in our daily lingo. Street food or Moglai dishes, Fish market came handy and also the proximity to Delhi was the very helpful while connecting to the main land. There were occasional news of gunshot, here and there or lifting of chain /car here and there in the news paper, there were history of riots. Only once I was shocked by such news when owner of a pharmacy which I frequented was shot dead by some miscreant.  No such thing bothered us during those six years.

In personal front..both of my child Pratysh and Pokhi were borne here

As far as professional achievement was concerned, out here also I was lucky... my seniors supported me , juniors believed me, support staff  gave me faith overall teamwork was awesome during numerous milestone (Infection control , NABL, NABH , others ) we covered together .

With my students too I had their faith, in my personal moment of crisis like when my son was sick, everyone stood beside me like a rock.

Shifting is a big physical and mental stress. With every year things I have acquired has compounded ..and this time it is with two kids its been a Herculean task ..

Just in a time when I began to have my roots entangled in Meerut...I shifted again...this time to Bharatpur, Rajasthan …

Rolling  stone? Destiny …. Don’t know

But life continues, like a river flows    

Playwrights note Aikyatan- The Beethoven of someone’s heart

The ideas a play wishes to reflect originates in the sensibilities

of the playwright. Yet he has an uneasy feeling that directorial liberty

has intruded and distorted his ideas. Even the actors tend to oppose

the playwright’s or the director’s viewpoints. None questions the

individuality of the performer. But once out of the green room and on

stage, an actor’s opinions are straight jacketed and he has to transform

himself into a puppet, controlled by the ventriloquist duo of the

playright and the director. Only thus can be kept intact the sensitivity

of a subject oriented play.

But when these very puppets spring to life and transmogrify

into unleashed powerhouses of emotions, who emasculates them?

The director can clip the wings of the actor. But can he convincingly

ensoul the characters as envisioned by the playwright ? So,

does the theatre stage turns into Armageddon for the conflicting dogmatism

of the actors, the playwright and the director ?

Some such ubiquitous antipathies are behind the nascence of

Gitanjali, Betaal, Beraag and Aikyataan – beings from the land of the

mind, who asks : are we the corpses of a cultural death ? Are our

artists the carcasses of art?

We hear resigned sighs in the affirmative.

So, against this fatalism we hereby launch our crusade.

Plyawrits note

Aikyatan

An Assamese musical play

From Satyanusandhan a collection of Play in Assamese

Distributor Bandhab ,Panbazar

Price :Rs.180