Mid Life Crisis

I have been suffering from the disease since I was 15 or something, and the symptoms continue to persist even today. I started suspecting the disease without actually knowing how you feel like if you have the disease. Without going through the signs and symptoms I was sure of my mid life crisis.

I think I acquired the bug watching some of the auteur's so called classic movie where they actually depicted their sexual frustration arising out of long standing marriage and the protagonist take fantasy with some young girl and faces consequences out of it.

But with me acquiring the disease at 15, without a girlfriend or any obvious psychopathic tendency (to the best of my belief) was something very peculiar.

What started with a silly joke with friend gradually turned into a (pseudo)philosophical metaphor.

If you don’t know the length of your life then how can you define your mid point? If the journey can be ended at any point, why the midpoint can’t start as soon as fifteen?

So what were the symptoms like?

With time symptoms are also changing, but to be precise whenever mind is full of melancholy –I think this is it.

In nineties the symptoms were precipitated by lack of connectivity with the so called world at large, Guwahati was a small city then and there was paucity of information regarding what we thought to be happening world.

Now I live away from my loved city, there is excess of information though but nothing is there to fill the vague in those time of incompleteness.  

There are many other precipitating factors that lead to such desperation, so I started a methodical root cause analysis for the so called disease I am suffering from. It can be loosely hypothesized “as not having achieved what I thought to be achievable at that point of time”. With time the faith and confidence level is getting down and down and down. As the suspicion of failure is creeping in that is leading to the melancholy which I call as “Mid Life Crisis”.

I cannot tell you for sure but if I have to explain “My Mid Life crisis” to you; I got to tell you it is almost like love. While explaining my mid life crisis I have to quote from my memory of a famous film whose dialogue still resonates in my mind. The film was "Suraj Ka Satwa Ghoran” by the maestro Syam Benegal .Here after a long and complicated tryst with the ‘element’ called love protagonist Rajat Sharma explains :definition and feeling about love is something like soul or God ,until you find one your quest for love will go on .

So my quest for my mid life

The life journey of life is mysterious and unknown

To the great Indian middle class, Mid Life crisis has nothing to do with libido, mistress, or sexuality,

Being grinded in a routine called life we long for a way out looking for some sunshine and if we smell of losing the goal sadness creeps in. We name this sadness by various name, and mid life crisis is just one such example.